Currently Listening Best: 1991-2004 By Seal Just Like You Said [Now Playing] see related

hello...goodbye; farewell...hey you.

yes, it's true...xanga's on it's last breath.  I just confirmed that from another dear user who's said the double-byes to the good ol' digital receptacle of all manner of emotion.  You know what, I think it is natural, things come and go and it seems that xanga's time to go is here now.

I had a conversation with my bro a good while ago and we spoke about how people need to be heard.  From artists who create these separate expressions from (and of) themselves that they need others to see and respond to, and the mutual conclusion of that discussion was that really, to some extent, we all deeply desire that acknowledgement from others, the way an artist would.  Even in our most solitary states, with convictions of steel, when we declare that we write, or paint, or talk or live for our own (sole) pleasure/discretion...even then, there's an underlying need to be acknowledged in someway, by someone separate from ourself.  So you see this is why I cannot join the masses enroute to otherwhere.  I know, I know, xanga is so last year, and likely to only minimally satisfy this "Artist's Hunger for Acknowledgement" but to be honest, I don't "feel" that way.  I like it here, as in I'm contented, and I know that someone somewhere is bound to be on xanga at some point now or in the future, and stumble upon this psychobable that I call a blog, and perhaps acknowledge that it was seen in some way, and i existed.

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Random Wednesdays...

Emotions, emotions, emotions.  Neil Boorts says that the problem with liberals is that they "feel" their way through life, while sensible human beings "think" their way through life.  While I agree with him for the most part, Liberals are foolish, I also know that I am not a liberal parse. In any given day, I feel my way through much more than I think, partly because it's the line of work I'm in, but mostly because it's the nature of my character.  Always has been.  Even when I am in wicked/selfish/bastard mode in personal relationships, I'm still feeling my way through things.  It's one of the reasons why my life can be so complicated sometimes, but I'd never trade it for anything else.  This life thing I'm doing, I'm hardly ever doing it in a halfassed way..hardly ever ever, so.  That's the thing with being the feeling type, you are feeling and responding to your feeling all the time (even when it is counter-intuitive to do so) and so always reacting in the truest way (as opposed to the most sensible way) possible.  Of course, this translates into a whole buncha failures, despair and hellish pain. lol...but I'll go to heaven when I die, for now, I'll just live.

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I love for music to move me, but it doesn't "just" happen because...there's gotta be momentum to the feelings it riles up within me.  I've never blogged about intelligent music.  If I'd not "felt" it at some part of my inner inner innards, then it's simply not been very memorable (and has simply had no hope of touching these four digital walls).  This song sung by the insidious Seal kinda caught me off guard.  I know the song, have known it for close to a decade if not more, but had never "really" heard it.  (At least, not this version.  The original offa the album was blandish..with little feeling when compared to what you're listening to right now. Here's the original version.) This time, though (!), I heard it. I heard it without knowing it was coming, and it took me away with it.  The timing was patently hollywoodic! There are words in this song, Just Like You Said, that I'd sing If I dared, and I'd sing them like I meant them too, if I was brave enough to be so dramatic.  It hits so hard that it's a gentle joy to imbibe, but the message (AGAIN!!...*sigh*) isn't one of dancing joy and celebration.  It's an earnest lament for security.  Seal sings about needing to be sure that he's loved, needing that very affirmation to go on loving carelessly.  There is something innately masculine about such desperation, and the cross between his strong deep voice and the tender, nearly delicate inquiry he's sending across with this tune; that combo, is the final pull that'll make you love this one for some time to come.  I've always enjoyed the acoustic tune here and there, but he does it up too good, here!  say what you will...

Currently Listening Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac By Dizzy Gillespie Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac see related

RIP, David Ritcheson!

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Writing again...

"I'd often wake up in cold sweats, sometimes with a peculiar feeling of amnesia about everything.  This one time, i became aware of being conscious, ripe from sleep, I knew I was drenched in my sweat despite the whirlwind-humming fan in the far distance.  Somehow, the Georgia heat had won again tonight.  I remember now, that at the time, I was sure of nothing else, not who i was, or where I was or why I was sweating so badly...all things seemed uncertain..save the intangible, yet overwhelming pain in/on my chest.  Slowly, i remembered that I'd felt this pain before, and instinctively, I began trying to catch my breath while wiping my drenched face.  The tears had become indistinguishable from the sweat, and there was a certain comfort to this realization.  Interestingly, I still couldn't remember who the heck I was."

Not exactly sure how, but I got this idea of story a couple of years ago…actually, it's been several years now.  This character, who i write about in first person comes to the realization that his life is taking on more meaning than he is willing to accept.  He is getting responsibility forced upon him in ways that he feels incapable of handling and ultimately the story's about battling fate and the part that we play as humans in forging out for ourselves our own destiny.  Above are the opening lines from the story/novel that I started waaaay back at Andrew.  I like to call it a fictional autobiography and to tell the truth, I just deserted the idea...for years.  Not until a couple of weeks ago, while going through my now massive accumulated amount of “stuff” did I find the floppy that had all i'd written of the story.  I found tons of old poems too, and maybe I’ll share some of the ones that don’t make me just completely cringe in embarrassment.  Anyway, I have since made a lot of modifications and error correction...and I've even done some minor updating to the story as well.  Would I love to get it published when I am done..sure..I'd love that to death!  But to be completely honest, i don't know that I have the chops for that level of writing.  When I am done, I have like three or four people in mind that I would want to read the first draft.  If they think it has potential, then we'll see about other options.  So yeah...I'm really excited because I am writing again...

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Trouble in paradise

Okay...I am not trying to say that I am discontented...I'm just saying, my expectations have been a bit too unrealistic, I guess.

The problem with a really unique and talented artiste is that they set the bar so high in terms of what you will allow yourself to listen to after them.  I mean, there are artistes that literally spoilt/ed the music for me.  Some of them are Maxwell, Kurt Elling, Jill Scott.  Every artist that tried to follow in their vein got inexplicably compared to them, and often failed miserably too.  It's like they have produced work that is so close to perfection that they outdo everyone else for miles!  The problem is that a lot of these folks often outdo everyone else...and their own self too eventually.  Just look at the data..from maxwell, to lauryn hill to Jill Scott, Kem, Amel etc all these artistes came on the scene with an album that just shattered the measuring scale and redefined the craft of creating music.  That debut album, it's like once they hit so high with it..there can never be redeux.

Anyway, my grievances today lie with my hitherto, al-time fave jazz vocalist, Kurt Elling, who's most recent album, Nightmoves, was released in early '07.  The is a guy with seven prior albums under his belt.  Unlike my other well-liked artists above, elling is one character who has been able to seriously improve upon his skill, his execution and the confession of body, mind and soul on every single album.  From the innocently titled Close Your Eyes, to the much more mature and even sometimes lofty, Man in the Air...Elling is always onto something, and is eager to hip you to it, whether you're up to the journey or not, you'd find yourself bubbling with gratitude at it's end.  Anyway, for the first time, I listened to a Kurt Elling album and was not immediately captured!  I had grown so accustomed to not having a say in the nature of the journey, or the time span...but not this time.  I've found it peculiarly easy to shorten the ear-time I've given to this cd and even had to convince myself to buy the cd out of tradition...not out of that urgent compulsion that I once knew and loved.

Well, the album is fair...actually..as a Jazz album, it shines, but as a Kurt Elling album, it's just fair...just that.  The man recently had a child, and this new approach to love and all it's shenanigans is obvious and gravely unfamiliar to me.  He seems to have gone on this journey whether or not I hopped on...and he hasn't once looked back.  That's not cool.  It's taken me four months to write this, and to admit it to even myself.  I've given the cd several listens under a myrad of conditions and have avoided like-minded fans' input, so as to be sure that external influences need not be factored into my evaluation.  Ultimately, I've gotta conclude that Elling isn't much different from those other artists with the great firsts (or in his case, first few albums) and less impressive successive efforts.  I am hopeful for a 2010 or 2011 album.  His daughter will be older and doing her own thing..allowing him more moments of rigid trousers and related libidinous passions...perhaps he can bring back that Elling-tastic groove to his albums?  Let's wait and see.

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I think instrument-wise...nothing is more captivating to me than the trumpet.  I love the guitar second, and who isn't immediately turned on by the sax, right?  But there's just something about the trumpet that's deeper than the purely sensual feeling the sax communicates, and far less focused on the groove the way a guitar would be.  The trumpet has that intellectual, nearly spiritual element going for it that I cannot explain.  Okay, so maybe I can, sha.  The truth is that in some instances, i find the trumpet to be the most accurate instrument of The Lamentation.  Is it because of Miles' cool approach? or Baker's melancholic riffs?  I cannot say conclusively...I just know that a well placed blow on that horn will get my attention 9 times outta 10 than any other instrument.  Dizzy is the most uplifting jazzer I know of.  More so than any of the other well-known greats, Dizzy Gillespie is nearly always guaranteed to leave me with a smile after his tunes.  Either because of his endearing vocals or his loquacious horning, the man will just fill me with a sense of contentment.  On this tune, you hear this now legendary 1967/68 intro to the live performance...you hear the absolute mirth overflowing all over the place, For 3 minutes, the tune doesn't really begin coz Dizzy and his band are busy delivering the benediction with which to cleanse the minds of the listeners.You can try out this alternate version of the same song if you like.  Here's an African-American spiritual, now latinized and remixed with Dizzy's Afro-cuban style, and you can nearly feel the child-like excitment in his phrasing on this one, no composure, no patience, just a lament of unbridled passion!

Currently Listening The Red Clay Chronicles By Anthony David Smoke One With Earl see related

lol..kai...xanga..I've been away so long.  I keep doing this...leaving, and coming back and leaving again. bad manners.

SUPER-DUPER RE-CAP!!

To be perfectly honest, nothings new in my world.  Same wahala..same troubles, same pleasures, same vices.  Sure time has passed, but I'm still one foot in, the other out.  Mostly confused about most things and maintaining a whole lotta empty optimism.  One good thing..I've been writing a lot more than previously.  not blogging, but like creative writing.  I'd like to keep increasing the frequency of this, but it seems to be hardly under my control whether I will or not.  Interestingly, for the first time in almost a decade, I've also began to show a slight bit of vanity about my appearance.  Whether this is intrinsically or extrinsically motivated I don't yet know, but for weeks now, it's persisted.  My work still drives me crazy and poor, but somehow manages to "keep" me.  My friends are scattered all over the place, and my family's moving on.  Time will do you like that.

I am still the master of nursing forbidden relationships and I'm preparing to return to school at somepoint to diploma-lize these studies of mine.  It's down time now with work as the kids transition from school to summer.  This is good...but I am poorer for it and this is bad.

Been following US politics avidly.  Romney (sp) is going to be president.  Either him or Gore..if he steps in. I still listen a lot to my NPR and Hannity and Michael Savage..love this guy to death..asshole though he may be.  My TV is picking up less dust nowadays too, but my net connection is getting rammed in the backside.  Then, ya..there's the music

haha..my music, it's been constant.  I enjoy the exclusivity of it, and yeah it gets lonely sometimes, but I forget that quickly because it feels good when contact is made.  Like morphine.  Been doing a lot more electronica.  Deep House, Trip-Hop, Dance..even a bit of techno, sef...haha..very little though..I can just barely "take" that stuff.  Lots of Blues and Reggae too...But the jazz-element is still king.  Will rant enough about this in coming weeks I am sure...hehe

The sun has been wicked lately.  For the last two weeks, I've been getting darker and darker. It's windy right now, though..i think it's about to rain.

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This lament's by Anthony David from his 2006 album, Red Clay Chronicles.  It's a really enjoyable album with some very "durty south" songs on there, but even then, he doesn't lose his class completely.  On this mellow-smooth one, Smoke One, he's been gone for a bit, but now petitions for a little bit of that loving he used to get back when they were down like that.  This particular version's a bit more on the jazzy side as Earl Klugh riffs the guitar in the background.  The other version, a funkier hip-hoppier one, is favored by more of my friends, it's here if you wanna hear it. The thing about Anthony David is that I've seen him live twice, and his studio albums are not anywhere close to really showing his really skillful execution of his music.  He's also a very satisfying entertainer too; rapping some old school MC Lyte and Slick Rick etc.  Very impressive music if you're into this.  I hope to see him again later this month.

PLEASE GO TO THE iTUNES STORE OR RUGGED RAM RECORDS TO PICKUP YOUR COPY!!!

Obscenity or Art?

I was listening in on Sean Hannity's radio show on Friday evening, and they brought up the issue of this new Dakota Fanning movie, HoundDog with the extreme scenes.  Just in case you've not heard, apparently, the movie's supposed to have a graphic scene where the 12 year old Fanning get's brutally raped, and from my understanding, she's nude a lot in the movie.  I've been thinking about this quite a bit over the last couple of days...they say that her mom, and some social workers were on set during the shooting of the movie, and have debriefed and counseled Fanning on the scene...they say that the movie has got artistic merit, and is a portrayal of an aspect of reality that we often try to ignore, but is real, and happening even now, all over the world.  To that credit, I have met to many girls (nigerian and otherwise), friends, exes, who have hinted at, or have actually shared stories of sexual abuse by fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, strangers...Even one or two male friends have shared exploitation stories they lived through while younger, perhaps I could contribute to that degree myself.  I, today, am a social worker, and although I know now that I've grown numb to it, abuse cases are probably the root problem in-I'll wager-like 90% of the cases I've worked over the years.  Anyway, what I am trying to say is that abuse, rape, promiscuity of children, these are real, true parts of life, and so why should it be considered obscenity or exploitative when this is portrayed on the screen?

I suppose  it's said to be obscene because there's got to be a balance.  Free speech is crucial in this life, but not at the expense of the innocence of a pre-teen.  I try to think of how this scene in the movie could have been artistically depicted: they have CGI out the wazooooo now most blockbuster movies, they could show the beginning of a shove, or a slap or whatever leads into the rape scene and then move the cameras off and focus on "the moments after"...whatever!  My point is that, I do not think that the process of showing the graphic defiling of a 12 year old on the screen is necessary.  Now the fact that it is daring and a tad gratuitous does not remove from it's artistic value depending mainly on the context in which it's executed of course, and I can only make that judgement after the movie is viewed in it's own particular context. This is my reasoning:

What's funny is that just a couple of days ago, I was discussing with an on-line buddy about the difference between artistic portryal of the human condition and porn, or exploitative cinema, and I was so totally convinced then that the two were like black and white.  The movie in question at the time was Gaspar Noé's Irreversible.  In this french 2002 crafty masterpiece, there are multiple shots of nude men performing sexual acts on one another, there are extreme acts of violence and agression, including the pulverization of a man's skull, and perhaps the most violent scene of a rape I've ever seen.  Now any of the things I've listed above, if taken on it's own without the context of the complexity of the characters, and the incidents that set the movie in motion..each of those things sounds unnecessary, even extreme...but the fact is, I saw the movie a couple of years ago, and I can tell you that for it's genre (whatever that maybe), it is the most remarkably captured depiction of the sheer infiniteness our lack of control reaches and our measly attempts to claim what we are often unable to fully comprehend or handle.  The movie, in my opinion is the most revolting, amazing piece of art...for it's genre.  The reason why I cannot say this too about HoundDog is that (1). I have yet to actually see the movie and (2). There is a child involved (unlike Irreversible, which had only adults on screen). 

In conclusion, do I think the movie should have been made with the scenes the way they are reported to have been made with a preteen girl getting brutally and explicitly raped? No, i think there are too many cinematic techniques that could have been used to imply that a rape occured, BUT! (admittedly) that would be turning the conscience away from the ugliness that to some extent exists in us all...just as is often the case in reality.  Perhaps that's what the director of HoundDog was after...an insistence that we face our demons and at the very least exorcise them on screen?   Will I take my kids to go watch this HoundDog?  probably not unless they were about 15 or 16 years old.  A person that is led to do harm to others after viewing depictions of such activities was probably gonna do it at some point in time or the other, coz there was the active desire within them anyway.  Therefore, it's not the artistic object that deserves the blame, instead, it is that person.  If I raise my kids well, they will be able to watch evil occur and interprete it as a personification of man's universal weakness and desperation for control....they will be able to separate life from fantasy.  Do I think the movie should be released for viewing? Yes.  I think that a lot of the boys I work with for instance, who may have been perpetrators themselves of violent rapes..i think a movie like this will aid in their healing process, it will force them to face the utter selfishness of their actions, and it will also help them realise (mainly through later discussion, which I think is imperative after such a movie) that though their mistakes will not just go away, they are defined by more than just that.  Should the makees of the movie be taken to court for releasing what is now being touted as child porn? No, I do not think they should.  Earlier, I brought up the issue of balance between free speech and obscenity.  It's here that I think the legal powers should see that precautions were taken to ensure that the scars upon the actress; emotional and psychological i.e., were minimal (minimal because it is definite that there will be scars...eventually).  I think she should continue to undergo counseling both for the scene, and for all the negative attention that the movie has attracted. 

Ultimately, the truths, the certainties are that, nothing is ever produced for free.  There is always someone who gives up something...even in the production of art.  It could be pride, or respect, or freedom or in this case innocence.  That's always been the nature of the beast...the conduit must be worn down...at least a bit.  As to the final question, about whether it's fair that the conduit, the scape-goat for us all is an otherwise innocent 12 year old girl...even I cannot honestly answer that one.

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Random Certainties:

When in doubt, it's better to risk being called the fool, and speak...and ask, than to hold your peace remaining silent with assumptions...I mean, come on, you know what they say about 'assume', right?

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I had the displeasure of listening to Norah Jones' newest album, Not Too Late.  It rubbed me the wrong way on so many levels.  Very Highly disappointing.  She and Amos Lee have never sounded more alike.  While her lyrics were deep with meaning, they just didn't culminate into that captivating sound in duet with instrumentation...that sound she showed she could create on Come Away With Me.  The album is very folksy, very...blues sounding, and while this is cool, it just leaves you looking forward to something a bit jazzier.  There are some high moments for the cd...few, but some is still better than none, I guess.  Wish I Could has single written all over it.  Nice song.  My favorite on the album is the pouty and annoyingly abrupt Not My Friend, which I can appreciate on an artistic and emotional level.  other notables on the 13-track album are the subtle stalker-ballad, Broken, My Dear Country and  Be My Somebody. Overall, i'd give the cd a solid 5½

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My lamentations of late have been guttural and relieving.  You cannot utter lamentations effectively without digging deep, bringing forth what would otherwise have been hidden.  I am grateful for the opportunity to do this when time calls for it. Songs like Are You Okay by Polly Gibbons are the kinds that just hit taht spot!  The instrumentation is jazzy, with that UK flava...that groove that's simply infectious!  Polly's lyrics are sensible, loaded with meaning, but maintaining a very satisfying melody.  Her voice, is powerful..it creeps up on you, leaving you suspicious coz it's far too soulful for this 22 year old siren.  You'd expect a mother of 3 with years of hardships and relationship disasters to draw on, to be laying this down...but it ain't so.  The lyrics hint at a love-triangle between two friends gone wrong.  The resentment that remains and the love that binds them all forever...too sweet! ...and the whole album's a freaking slice of joy, btw.  Been listening to it back to back for going on two months now, and it's so multi-layered with creative droplets of heartfelt jazzy and soulful grooves.  The delectible Ola Onabule produces this one, and adds condiments to lyrics...but through and through, the magic is Polly's and I am only anxious to see how far her brand of beauty goes!

Currently Listening Dreaming Wide Awake By Lizz Wright Old Man see related

Just when you thought you had it figured out:

I've been using the same mechanic shop for all my car maintenance and repair issues for going on a year and change now.  Considering I put about 40k miles on my car in one year, you'd understand how that would mean a lot of visits over to the mechanic shop.  There are like 5 stations over there, and each one has a guy (or lady) behind it, taking all the customer info, and getting all the signatures and stuff.  Anyway, turns out this particular one guy, tall, blond (very physically) white guy, always seemed to make smart comments.  The one that stands out most was sometime last year when he'd found an empty box of McDonalds in my car while checking my mileage.  The guy pops his head outta the car, and says "do you want us to tidy up in here a bit?" To which I say "yeah, sure" thinking to myself...wow, is it really that bad?  He makes it sound like I have refuse littered all over.  Anyway, brothaman pops his head back in the car, then pops it right out again, holding up the box of whatever it was and saying "let me guess, Chicken?"  I keep a blank expression and turn to face the opposite direction..I hear him cackling and pop his head back in the car.  Anyway, after that incident which happened like back in November or so of '05, I really tried to make sure that when I made appointments for my oil change, I could get someone else instead of this guy (who btw, happens to have a very conspicuously german name, and did I mention the freakishly white skin?).  As if to torture me, somehow, whoever else I request is always either sick, or out to lunch, or over-booked etc, and I am left with my very white, german-named and apparently racially insensitive friend.  Today was no exception.  I arrived and went straight to some other guy, who seemed to be glued to the phone and "gestured" me to my friend, who was waiting with a big (nefarious) smile.  I walked over to him, greeted him kindly, and he returned the effort, but something even more unexpected happened.  I looked over his counter and just beside his computer keyboard was a little picture frame...and the photograph encased within was of my very white friend, and very black black lady and two very cute multiracial children. huh..who woulda thunk it?

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Random Certainties:

It's healthier to want most things than It is to need them..difficult (almost impossible) to avoid though that may get.

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Happy New year to one and all.  This new year really has me fired up, musically!  There are scheduled to be so many musical gifts spanning the whole year.  From D'Angelo and Maxwell speculated to be making comebacks from their respective hiatus(es?) to jazz greats, Kurt Elling and Bobby McFerrin, both releasing their long awaited studio albums.  Also making an impact this year according to the www are: John Scofield (scanty info on this, but I can't wait), Peven Everett (badboy, is supposed to be releasing two spanking new albums this year, and I will be more than happy to get more than an earfull), Donnie (after making us wait for 5 years, he's finally doing it again), Jill Scott (amazing vocal prowess, and that sensual confidence that slithers in and outta the ear..can't wait to hear  her do her thing),  Freddie Hubbard (oldman fred's going to be blowing it again.  I've only recently begun to really appreciate his work), Ola Onabule (brosmi has been working on this new tray of joy for sometime, and I'm gonna be getting the sneak preview soon! Drooling(!) would be an understatement), Yukihiro Fukutomi's work recently came to my attention thanks to a friend at oink...I've thoroughly enjoyed his dj work on previous albums, and I just can't wait to see where he goes with this jazz album coming out later this month), Jazz Guitarist, Joe Pass has a compilation cd coming out, and I want it, so I'll be waiting for this too), Norah Jones album is slated for release in a couple of weeks...I suspect that it has probably already gone gold (500,000 copies) by now just from preorders, and is sure to be platinum in a week or two after release...honestly, I can't wait to give the thing some serious eye-time), Herbie Hancock and Joe Zawinul each have albums scheduled for this month as well...looking forward to those. I've read speculation that Kem has a new album scheduled for the summer, I sure would be happy to get my hands on these. etc etc.  2007 promises to be really good year musically somewhere between Maxwell and Kurt Elling, I know I'll find complete satisfaction!

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I heard about Lizz Wright from my cousin who is also a jazz and soul fan when she hipped me to Lizz's first album.  I was really suprised about that coz she's based in MD, and I'd expected that Lizz would be from over there...turns out she's a jawja child, but somehow, I hadn't heard a thing about her.  Fast forward to sometime in late '05.  I got my hands on the Dreaming Wide Awake album, and while I didn't quite enjoy it as much as I did her debut, there were some very impressive songs on the album.  Though it's changed multiple times since; currently, my fave is this Old Man song.  There's something to be said for her vocal range...she's hitting it pretty low at certain points.  The lyric is simple, but still manages to be meaningful.  What little reading I've done on her over the years suggest that she's got a really strong relationship with her father, so I'm not suprised to feel the emotion come through explicitly with this performance...and i can appreciate that.  The lyric could very easily be about a divine old man, anyway.  The tune is originally a Neil Young composition, and I love that she maintained that folksy element, but adds just enough soul to her vocals to give it that universal appeal.  The song in it's entirety is good to the ears, it's pensive in nature...and that intricate (it's so engaging) voice of hers makes the song this mysterious, comlicated journey that compells attention. Suits my mood on so many levels right now...a proper song of lament!